Nasal offensive

Last night, my train home ran perfectly to time. It's as though someone at Veolia Transport knew I was starting this blog and decided they should make an effort to keep everything running smoothly.

Not that I'm complaining! This is how rail transport should operate. Nice work.

However something worthy of mention did occur yesterday evening, but was of no fault of the train or staff, but rather a fellow passenger. The event I'm refering to can be categorised under Personal Hygiene!

Soon after I had seated myself and started reading a book (the train was due to depart Britomart in about 5 more minutes), I noticed a stench. The carriage was filling fast as it always does at that time, and it's normal for me to zone-out of my surroundings.

Sometimes I wonder at my ability to sit next to someone for a 40min trip on the train and not remember a single thing about them afterwards. If someone asked me to describe the person who had sat next to me on that trip, I'd have difficulty even defining what gender they were, let alone what they looked like. I'd be hopeless if the Police needed a description for a crime commited.

But one thing can make a person stand out in a crowded train carriage of commuters... poor hygiene! Think teenage boy's bedroom mixed with spicy armpits and a hint of urine. I was certain the smell was coming from behind me, which meant I was powerless to act on it. I was already locked in my seat by another passenger who had sat down beside (a person who, as I write this, I could not tell you the first thing about).

Turning around to get a look at what I was having to deal with wasn't an option either. I find making eye contact with strangers on the train uncomfortable, as though I've been caught staring. So I was forced to try and breathe shallow and take my mind off it. My anonymous co-pilot (the passenger seated beside me) might well have been thinking the same thing, or worse, that I might have been responsible fo it.

Needless to say, the trip wasn't so pleasant. I thought I remembered being told by a wine connoisseur friend of mine that humans can only smell an odour for about 10-15 seconds before the olfactory sense reaches a kind of saturation, preventing the smell from being registered after that. My stinky friend proved that theory wrong, managing to offend me with a nasal assault all the way to New Lynn.

The lesson to be learnt here is to have a bit of self respect... clean and deodorise! Especially if you are intending to close yourself into a cramped space for any extended period with other people. Even if you think you smell fine, stop and ask yourself when was the last time you put your work clothes through the wash and did you put on deodorant that morning... if not for yourself, do it for the rest us forced to remain within an arms reach of you.

Stinky bastard!